Love You My Life

Love You My Life
Love You My Life

September end, 2009 

I was getting period cramps, but no periods. Every morning, before joining the Navratri puja, I would check if I had gotten my period or not.

Those were troubling days for me. My body used to burn, but I had no temperature. Gradually, I started disliking certain smells, especially those of chapati.

My mother-in-law suggested I do a pregnancy test when I didn’t get my period for two weeks. Reluctantly, I did, and those two pink lines scared me.

I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t want to embrace motherhood at that time. But destiny had other plans.

When I went to the doctor and told her about my thyroid history, she recommended I start taking injections to strengthen the womb to reduce the risk of miscarriage.

She called me two weeks later for an ultrasound and in the meantime gave me medicines for morning sickness.

I wasn’t passionate. Rather, I was shrouded in clouds of gloom, and the injections that I had to endure every week added fuel to the fire.

I felt depressed. When I went for my first ultrasound, I was indifferent and uninterested. When the doctor showed me, my child, it was like a dot and I couldn’t feel anything. I just turned my face, but my mother-in-law was on cloud nine.

Seeing her delighted, I passed a meek smile.

During the fourteenth week, when I went to the washroom, I saw a lump of muscle and some blood oozing out of my vagina. Fear gripped me. I felt that God had punished me for not wanting a child.

I thought I had lost my child. I cursed myself for not loving my baby. I didn’t want the child; still, that blood and lump of muscle scared the hell out of me.

I screamed from the washroom. My

mother-in-law was preparing lunch at that time. She rushed towards me, and when I told her, she immediately informed my husband and father-in-law. Without any delay, they took me to the hospital, and all through, I was inconsolably crying.

My mother-in-law had been telling me not to worry as the crucial period of the first three months was over. So, as per her, the chances of miscarriage were very weak.

My husband had already informed the doctor of the reason for our sudden visit. So, the ultrasound room was ready, and I was taken there immediately. The moment I heard the soft heartbeats, my heart jumped with joy. The doctor showed me my child and informed me that the baby was hale and hearty.

That was the first time I saw you, my child, with all my motherly affection. It was then that I realized how much I love you. Maybe God played this trick to make me realize how much I wanted you.

That lump was actually a cervical polyp that had been pushed down by the womb weight.

The doctor did the needful to put it back in its proper position, and then I was recommended complete bed rest. The doctor also told me to keep my legs elevated as compared to the rest of the body.

Now, I was ready to endure any pain and was prepared to follow all the instructions of my doctor and mother-in-law.

Something changed in me that day. A mother, in the true sense, was born that day.

Though I had a complicated pregnancy, I had a normal delivery. Everyone was mentally prepared for the fact that I would have a C-section, but my child didn’t throw any tantrums. He didn’t even let me go into labor. In fact, the doctors had to infuse labour pains artificially, and then, within an hour, my baby was born.

With the birth of my baby, I started a beautiful journey of motherhood. May God bless him with a long and healthy life.

-Rekha Mittal Gupta

Leave a Reply