The Momma Clan

We all know that there are times when things are going great and times when everything seems to be falling apart. Taking care of yourself just going with the flow isn’t easy. It’s an art worth developing.

But what do we do when things aren’t going your way?

How can we make the most of difficult situations?

Do you find yourself easily stressed or uptight about life’s situation?

Are you anxious when you don’t feel in control?

It can be hard to literally “digest” what life puts out to you.

Sometimes I have been so upset I can’t calm myself down. I get stuck in my head about certain situations and away I go… thinking, thinking non-stop, and feeling sick to my stomach. Unable to stop ruminating about whatever has gotten me upset.

Finding the answers to your worries becomes less possible the more you think about what you’re upset about. It is more important to feel what’s going on instead and get out of your monkey mind. But the more stories you tell yourself about the upsetting situations makes the solution harder to see. Stories that often aren’t even true.

Rigid track thinking is exactly what needs to be “broken up” when you find yourself caught up in life upsets. The rigid mind energy is making you think you aren’t safe, aren’t loved, aren’t going in the right direction or whatever your mind is telling you. Your overactive mind is what causes you to feel confused, frustrated, scared or out of control. Sound familiar?

No matter how much structure we create in our lives, no matter how many good habits we build, there will always be things that we cannot control- and if we let them, these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress.

 Simple solution: Learn to go with the flow. Learning to go with the flow is an important skill.

Smile, breathe and go slowly- Thich Nhat Hanh

For example, let’s say you have created the perfect peaceful morning routine. You have structured your mornings so that you do things that bring you calm and happiness. And then a water pipe bursts in your bathroom and you spend a stressful morning trying to clean up the mess and get the pipe fixed. You get angry. You are disappointed, because you didn’t get to do your morning routine. You are stressed from all these changes to what you’re used to. It ruins your day because you are frustrated for the rest of the day.

Not the best way to handle things, is it? And yet if we are honest, most of us have problems like this, with the things that disrupt how we like things, with people who change what they are used to, with life when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.

Life will eventually be uncertain. No matter how hard we try to control it, run from it or change it. Life in itself is uncertain and to embrace this is a gift that allows us to live a more peaceful life. But what then? What if we have embraced uncertainty, does that mean we cannot change anything or make change happen? I wasn’t sure about this; I didn’t know exactly how to deal with uncertainty. All I know is how to embrace it. Which is the first step, but what next? I don’t know what next, but I do know how to handle this. It’s not through going with the flow of life, even though I believed this for many years.  Instead, it is becoming the flow of life itself. Recognizing something profound that changes your way.

What is going with the flow? It’s rolling with the punches. It’s accepting change without getting angry or frustrated. It’s taking what life gives you, rather than trying to mold life to be exactly you want it to be.

Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing.

To become the flow of life we take the first step and then the next step and the next.

We don’t go with flow, we are the flow.

Going with the flow is like water- which we learn from nature.

Water is that element that flows around us and it always finds a way to adapt to its surroundings. It is never forceful, but is also never stagnant. Just like water, we should learn to go with the flow. When things are going well, we should enjoy the moment and not try to force anything. And when things are tough, we can be adaptable and find ways to work around the obstacles.

Here are some steps that help you to go with flow and also become your own flow-

1)    ACCEPT CHANGE AND IMPERFECTION-

When we get things the way we like them, we usually don’t want to change. But they will change. It’s a fact of life. We cannot keep things the way we want to be… instead it’s better to learn to accept things as they are. Accept that the world is constantly changing and we are a part of that change too. Also, instead of wanting things to be “perfect” (and what is perfect anyway) we should accept that they will never be perfect and we must accept good instead.

2)    DON’T RESIST CHANGE

One of the most difficult things about going with the flow is accepting change. We are creatures of habit and we often resist anything that disrupts our routine. But we want to live harmoniously with the world around us, we must be open to change. Everything is constant and nothing remains the same for long.  Change is a natural and essential part of life. We must learn to embrace change if we want to go with flow.

Change is a natural part of life and it’s something that we should welcome, not resist.

If you find yourself resisting change, ask yourself why. Why are you afraid of it ? Is there something you are not ready to let go? Once you understand your resistance, it will be easier to let go and embrace the change. And when you do, you’ll find it can be a liberating experience

3)    REALISE THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL OTHERS-

Ah, one of the biggest challenges. We get frustrated with other people, because they don’t act the way we want them to act. Maybe it’s our kids, maybe it’s our spouse or significant other, maybe it’s coworker or boss, maybe it’s your mom or best friend. But we have to realize that they are acting according to their personality, according to what they feel right and they are not going to do what we want all of the time. And we have to accept that. Accept that we can’t control them, accept them for who they are, accept the things they do. It’s not easy, but again, it takes practice.

4)    REALISE THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING

I think we all know this at some level, but the way we think and act and feel many times contradicts the basic truth. We don’t control the universe, and yet we seem to wish we could. All this wishful thinking won’t make it so. You can’t control everything within your own little sphere of influence- you can influence things, but many things are simply out of your control. In the example above, you can control your morning routine, but there will be things that happen from time to time(someone sick, an accident happen, a phone call and many more that disrupt things) that will make you break your routine. First step is realizing that these things will happen. Not might happen, but will. There are things that we cannot control; that will affect every aspect of lives and we must accept that, or we will constantly be frustrated.

5)    PRACTICE

It is important to realize that, just like when you learn any skill, you probably won’t be good at this at first. Who is good when they are first learning to write or read or drive? No one. Skills come with practice. So when you first learn to go with the flow, you will mess up. You will stumble and fall. That’s OK- it’s a part of the process. Just keep practicing and you will get the hang of it.

6)    BABY STEP AND SMALL WINS

Taking little steps gives you direction. It does not make you gradual and continuous improvements. It gives you daily purpose, personal satisfaction and a better understanding from your own expectations. It helps you to see progress and celebrate your own success. This boosts mental health as it gives a sense of accomplishment, increased self-esteem and confidence. You can build your self confidence by simply acknowledging yourself more often. It also helps you to clarify what is important in your life, giving you more control over your future. And your future self will thank you for the work you put in along the way.

7)    BREAK FROM YOUR ROUTINE

Sometimes you can really feel what you need to do by feeling what is happening for you when you don’t. “Don’t”, that is: ease up, unwind, recharge, put your feet up, take a load off, just chill. Because when you don’t rest, you wear out, wear down and start running on empty.  Then you are not much good for yourself or anyone else. But when you get some rest and get more rested, you have more energy, mental clarity, resilience for hard things, patience and wholehearted caring for others.

Tell the truth to yourself about how much time you actually- other than sleep- truly come to rest not accomplishing anything, not planning anything, not going anywhere. The time when you don’t do anything at all, with a sense of relaxation and ease. No stress, no pressure, nothing weighing on you in the back of your mind. No sense of things left undone. Utterly a rest.

8)    BE NICE TO YOURSELF

When you are feeling down, it is easy to be hard on yourself. While you might not be of the mind to congratulate or compliment yourself, try being compassionate. If you are really struggling to be nice to yourself, do something nice for someone else. Then compliment yourself on doing it!

9)   HAVE PATIENCE

When you want things to happen in your life, you can prolong the process by giving your attention and energy to the frustration you feel about waiting. The waiting is not the problem. It’s how you deal with it, how you see it.

Practicing patience shifts your attention away from the stress and frustration. Acting with patience is a way of telling life that you are in charge. You are in no hurry, there is no distress—only peace and confidence in your truth.

You can literally choose to be more patient, but it requires a certain type of self-talk. You have to tell yourself, “I’m going to relax,” or “I’m going to adjust my expectations and be patient.”

Self-talk is a critical aspect of thinking, because we can choose our thoughts. When we do, it also changes brain chemistry. When we choose to think that we will adjust our expectations and try to be patient, it actually causes our central nervous system to relax and to decrease the release of adrenaline. It can also be helpful to choose to think about the big picture. Often the difficulties that trigger impatience are smaller things; or are at least only a part of your life. We can choose to focus on one specific difficulty in life, or we can look at many other areas that are good. This will allow us to cultivate an “attitude of gratitude.

10) KEEP A JOURNAL

This is one of the best uses of a journal actually. Once a day, try to recall what all your tally marks were for- and then write about those situations. Why did you get upset? What did you try to do? Did it work, and if not, why not? What can you do next time? This kind of recollection and examination, after the fact, will help you to learn from the process.

11)   MEDITATE AND BREATHE

This is one of the best steps to relieve stress. Once in a while sit with yourself in a quiet place for a few minutes and keep your eyes closed, take a deep breath in and breathe out. Just imagine and focus on your thoughts and feelings, accept it as and don’t resist it. This helps you to calm your mind and make you feel relaxed and also make your inner self good.  When you do this daily, you actually feel good from inside, you see good in yourself.  When you see good in yourself, you don’t need to force yourself to smile, your smile comes automatically. Practice this daily as a habit and you will have come a long way already.

12)   LAUGH

We all know that laughter is the best medicine. But somewhere we are so much trapped in our difficult life situations and circumstances that we forget that there is no reason to laugh. No that’s not true.  But why do we always have a reason to laugh? Sometimes laughing at your own situation is one of the best ways to release your stress. You don’t need to find a reason to smile, laugh at your problems as a fake and it automatically becomes so real that you can’t even imagine it.

Go ahead and give it as a try. Turn the corners of your mouth up into a smile and then give a laugh even if it feels a little forced. Once you have had your chuckle, take stock of how you are feeling. Are your muscles a little less tense? Do you feel more relaxed? That’s the natural wonder of laughing.

13)  DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND PASSIONATE ABOUT

If we believe that a God created us, then it stands to reason that we each possess unique talents and abilities. As humans, we inherently possess a multitude of skills and interests.  Some of us are great at our jobs, while others enjoy hobbies and activities more. It’s important to accept both the good and bad parts of ourselves. But if we only focus on what we are not good at, we might miss out on developing our talents.

For example, even though I’m not great at my job; I really enjoy baking, doing yoga and writing. These activities make me feel happy and fulfilled. They remind me that I’m always learning and growing. I love doing them because they bring me so much joy.

Whatever hobbies or interests you have, it’s important to spend time on them. They not only make us happy but also show what makes us unique. By doing what we love, we can feel special and important. So, we should always make time for our passions and keep working on them.

 14) ENJOY THE BEAUTY AROUND YOU

When we talk about beauty, we actually need to take a holistic, inside-out approach. We should approach the whole body from the mind to the outward appearance. In fact the way a person sees things, handles situations and physically takes care of themselves has a lot to do with their outward appearance. You can’t have the outside beauty without inner beauty.

You might not realize that your skin is your greatest organ and it reflects the happening of our internal organs. When you look at your skin like that, you realize how important your skin is and what it might be trying to tell you! It is a simple saying that reminds me that what I’m putting in my body truly does reflect my outward appearance. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but down the road it will catch up.

“True beauty comes from within”

True beauty is not about physical appearance. It is about the kind of person we are, the way we treat others and the way we live our lives. It is about our inner qualities such as- kindness, compassion, intelligence, humor, strength and determination. When we focus on developing our inner beauty, we become more attractive and fulfilled. We become more resilient and have a positive influence on others.

15) GRATITUDE

When you look around the world, there are so many things that you are grateful for. Little things like sweet gestures, sweet remainders- a text message from your favorite person, the air you breathe, the birds you see chirping, your favorite food, flying in the evening back home from the work, the green trees that never fades their color to the morning mist or rain, the natural fragrances of flowers that never need an artificial scent, the warmth of the sun that kisses you or glow of the moon that you can’t take your eyes off.

Those could be a few little things that bring the essence of gratitude little by little to our life. Mostly, appreciate people around you. Sometimes we might be too egotistical not to notice how they mean to us, how precious their care is. Hence it’s time to realize what and who’s important to you and start appreciating them because this life is shorter than expected. Life doesn’t wait for us. It never does. You just gotta go for it.

Finding the little things that bring gratitude to your life- is totally up to you.

16) PAY ATTENTION TO THE PRESENT MOMENT

Paying more attention to the present moment can improve your mental well being. This includes your thoughts and feelings, your body and the world around you.

Some people call this awareness “mindfulness”. Mindfulness can help you enjoy life more and understand yourself better. It can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

17)           FIND YOUR OWN WAY

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with opinions and advice.  It can be hard to filter out the noise and trust our intuition. Life is full of ebbs and flows, but if we learn to go with the flow, we can live a more peaceful life. We must accept change, live simply and find our own way. And when we do, we will flow through life with ease.

“What you think is right in your heart, do it anyway

Do not judged by others, for what they say

You have unique talent

You are the best in your own way

You are the best in your own way”

CONCLUSION

Flow may be the most enjoyable of all human experiences. It might even be the secret of happiness. Flow is intrinsically rewarding, lowers our stress and brings meaning and joy to just about any experience. Looking for ways to maximize the amount of time we spend in flow state makes us more engaged, satisfied and creative. Whether you’re working, playing or something in between, you feel better when you are in flow.

Going with the flow isn’t always easy. It can be difficult to let go of control and it’s natural to want to fight when things are tough. But if we learn to go with the flow, we will find that life is much more enjoyable and much easier. Going with the flow and being your flow is somewhere similar but the only difference is how you balance it, how you see it and how you appreciate it.

Bringing the concept of flow to our everyday life helps us to stay in the present as we continue to grow.

-Bhavana Jain