The Momma Clan

Have you ever posted something on social media and then kept checking for likes, comments, or shares?

Social media is a brilliant tool for connection, self-expression, and even professional networking. But without realising it, many of us fall into the trap of seeking validation rather than authentic engagement. The need for approval can subtly influence our online behaviour, making us come across as desperate – even when that’s not our intention.

The good news? Once you spot these patterns, you can shift towards a more confident and genuine online presence. Here are five common social media behaviours that might be sending the wrong message.

1. Constantly Checking for Engagement and Reacting to Every Interaction

It’s normal to feel excited when a post performs well, but obsessively refreshing your notifications or responding instantly to every like or comment can make it clear that you’re too focused on validation.

This behaviour often leads to:

• Overreacting to negative feedback or lack of engagement.
• Feeling disappointed if a post doesn’t get the expected response.
• Posting more frequently in an attempt to gain attention.

The fix: Try setting boundaries. Post and engage with your audience, but don’t let the numbers dictate your self-worth. Taking breaks from checking notifications can help you develop a healthier relationship with social media.

2. Fishing for Compliments or Validation in Captions

Ever seen captions like:

• “I don’t think I look great in this picture, but posting anyway!”
• “No one ever notices my hard work…”
• “Guess no one cares about my posts anymore.”

These types of captions are designed to elicit reassurance or sympathy. While it’s okay to be vulnerable online, repeatedly fishing for compliments can make you seem insecure or needy for attention.

The fix: Share content because you genuinely enjoy it, not because you need others to validate you. If you’re struggling with self-doubt, talk to a trusted friend privately rather than seeking affirmation through social media.

3. Posting Too Often or Over-Sharing Personal Struggles

Social media is about storytelling, but there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing. If you’re constantly posting about every detail of your day, every setback, or deeply personal struggles, it can make you seem overly dependent on external validation.

While vulnerability is important, frequent emotional posts might push people away rather than draw them in.

The fix: Consider whether your posts add value to your audience or if they’re primarily seeking attention. Sometimes, writing in a journal or having a conversation with someone close can be a healthier outlet for emotions.

4. Overusing Hashtags, Emojis, or Exaggerated Phrases

Does every post include #blessed #amazing #bestdayever along with ten emojis and capital letters? While enthusiasm is great, an excessive number of hashtags, emojis, or dramatic language can make it seem like you’re trying too hard to be noticed.

This kind of behaviour often results in:

• Posts feeling less genuine.
• Followers feeling overwhelmed or put off.
• Engagement dropping because content seems forced.

The fix: Keep things natural. Use hashtags purposefully, not just to attract attention. Authenticity always wins over exaggeration.

5. Getting Upset Over Unfollows or Lack of Engagement

If you’ve ever felt hurt because someone unfollowed you or because your post didn’t get many likes, you’re not alone. But reacting publicly – like posting about who unfollowed you or deleting a post that didn’t perform well – can signal insecurity.

Social media engagement fluctuates, and not every post will resonate with your audience. It’s important not to take it personally.

The fix: Remind yourself that your worth isn’t measured in likes or follows. Focus on creating content that feels meaningful to you, rather than tailoring it to get the most engagement.

Final Thoughts: Confidence Over Validation

Social media should be a tool for self-expression and connection, not a source of stress or self-doubt. By recognising these validation-seeking behaviours, you can shift your approach and use social media in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Instead of seeking approval, focus on:
✔ Engaging in meaningful conversations.
✔ Posting because you enjoy it, not for the likes.
✔ Limiting time spent obsessing over numbers.
✔ Building genuine relationships, not just followers.

True confidence comes from within—not from how many people double-tap your posts. So, the next time you log in, ask yourself: Am I sharing for connection, or for validation? The answer might just change the way you use social media for the better.

-Dr Arwa Saifi