The Momma Clan

So, what leads to a healthy and successful relationship? We have usually seen the rule of opposites attract in the working of magnets. We have also heard “Birds of a feather flock together “. So, what holds true in case of a relationship …are they personality traits, similarities, and biological cues?

Well, according to me, it depends on what kind of relationship you are getting into …. long-term / short-term term as well as the personality trait significance in the bonding of the two. If the partner is not able to meet the needs of the other, there are bleak chances of the relationship to survive for a long period of time. Partners need to be in alignment with many personality traits, their core values, attitudes, personality traits, interests, and goals should be in sync.

In the initial stages, two people may be attracted, even though very different in their thinking and principles of life, due to newness and excitement, even sexual chemistry between them. But lust without emotions, intimacy, and commonalities does not make for a healthy, long-term relationship.

When the excitement wears off, there will be potential for disagreements. It is important that their strengths complement your weaknesses and vice versa. Compromise, understanding, tolerance, and empathy are required to a larger extent in the case of couples with opposite traits. The lack of commitment, emotional depth, and long-term potential often characterizes situationship, where there is a lack of profound connection. 

This is a real-life story of a modern girl coming from a well-to-do family, staying in a posh area. She got married to a guy who was well-to-do, but a conservative family. It was an arrange marriage. 

The couple were both young, girl,20, and boy 23. As in-laws wanted a stay-at-home daughter-in-law, the girl left her post-graduate degree in half and agreed to lead the life of a homemaker. The boy was happy with her decision, as this would retain peace in the house.

The way of living, the recreational activities, their eating habits, and preferences were way too different, but as an Indian society expects, the girl adjusted and gave minimum importance to such subjects of differences. The couple was overall compatible, their level of sensibilities and responsibility was matching and both were down to earth. They both yearned to live their life together in spite of huge differences in the way they were bought up and put their dreams last on the priority list…. especially for the girl it was more challenging, as she had aspirations of her own, adjusting to meagre standard of living, in order to rise up to a higher level, saving to realize their dream of rising higher in life made her evolve from a carefree and materialistic person to a devoted wife and daughter in law and mother.

Now, their togetherness was possible only because of their inspiration to rise high in life and their selfless and adjusting nature. If they would not sacrifice and support each other, where not just earning but also saving money was as essential, letting go of their dreams and establishing common standards where both are “one” and with each other, conciliation was not possible. 

This proves that even if there are differences, and they are opposites in some respects, they remain united because they have accepted each other with their varied personalities, but at the same time, they harbour common values and thinking with practical approach and harmonious living. 

If any one of them would hold on to their ego, or stubborn ways, love would not prevail. They were opposites, but they did attract … not because of the theory but because they were malleable in their living and working styles and determined to tie their family in one string with the delicate threads of understanding and respect. 

No human being is perfect, no two people are completely alike, you have to work on your compatibility by accepting the other person as a whole and wholeheartedly. There is no rule of the thumb that can be applied in all situations. Relationships based on attraction alone do not survive the test of time. It is your basic nature and determination to stay together as a happy family that makes the relationship work.