Who is to be blamed?

Abuse, Molestation-who is the real culprit??
Abuse, Molestation-who is the real culprit??
Who is to be blamed? by Ashu Verma Chaubey

Last Updated on

January 2nd, 2022 07:45 pm

Abuse, Molestation-who is the real culprit??
Abuse, Molestation-who is the real culprit??

Hi friends,

Though I didn’t want to recall this incident ever again but thought of sharing it, as it is an important topic in the context of today’s scenario.

Although whenever such incidents happen, most of the time circumstances are blamed. Sometimes the victim herself is blamed and in most cases the society at large questioned, but through my story today I want to evaluate and question the other side of the coin.

This topic is important to take up because even after the advancement in today’s society, the demons of child abuse whether male or female have not been chopped off. They are getting bigger and stronger and today’s lifestyle is assisting them in this.

We as parents are busy earning and our children are maturing more than required in solving their problems all by themselves.

It’s high time we told them that we are there to solve their issues, that they need not panic and worry all alone.

It’s the need of the hour that the income needs to grow, for our requirements have grown exponentially, but we are forgetting that these demons are freely prowling, taking advantage of our busy and involved lifestyle.

Here I want you all to brainstorm the other reason which we as parents and elders are missing out on.

But have we all, in general, tried to build, if not the same but still some least level of confidence in our kids and the adolescents in our society, that they can look up to their parents confidently for support in case they get into some trouble?

Well, let’s get back to my story first.

First of all, I would like to request that since this is no fictional story but something that really happened to one of my dear friends hence give her your heart, please.

This happened when we were studying in class eleventh. Priya came from a middle-class family, both her parents working to make the ends meet.

So nothing of the sort of lavishness in her style, no servants, no caretakers. The family did all their work by themselves.

One afternoon she went to a nearby grocery store to buy certain things her mother had asked her to get before evening. On the way back she heard a car honking from behind.

When she looked back the man seated in the car perhaps 60 years old gestured her to come near him.

Fearing no trouble she went closer.

He said to her, “Betaji aapke paas bahut saman hai. Kya aapko ghar drop kar doon”?

Being innocent she said yes.

After all, he was an uncle. And uncles are supposed to be good.

After they reached her house, she offered him a cup of coffee as a gesture of thankfulness.

And he left.

This is where her ordeal starts first-hand.

Her parents were very strict about the way girls had to behave hence she could not gather the courage to tell them that she had taken a lift from a generous uncle on the way back from the market.

Soon she forgot everything about it.

To her fright, the uncle appeared again a couple of days later in the afternoon on the pretext of having the delicious coffee again, that she had made.

The visits turned into a daily affair and one fine day he turned up with a diamond ring as a gift for her. It was that day when she called me up, crying badly, and disclosed everything.

I was horrified to hear all that she was detailing and couldn’t utter a single word. It still gives me goosebumps whenever I think of what all she had confided in that day.

How he had touched her, kissed her, and made her drink coffee from his cup and what-not while offering the ring.

And she was deathly afraid to share this with anyone as she would have to face the repercussions. I immediately left for her place to be with her till her parents came. Throughout she did nothing but cry and cry.

I had no words to console her, for even I didn’t know how to tackle such a situation.

I came back before her parents arrived as she didn’t want to tell them, from the fear of being punished.

Furthermore, even I didn’t want to be punished for poking my nose in such matters at my place, hence I quickly came back and pretended to be as normal as possible.

Today, I look back I try to find the reason behind this behaviour of ours. After all, what had we done to deserve punishment?

Anyway, the next day she called me up and said that the old devil, yes that’s what I should call him, came again but she didn’t open the door pushed the ring out, from the space below the door and begged him to leave her alone. We were calmed down for the man left, but only to return the next day.

He started pleading before her that he couldn’t live without her and requested her to allow him in.

But she didn’t respond so he went away. He didn’t turn up for a couple of days so we felt that possibly she was out of it.

But he returned a week later only to plead again and requested her to at least accept her gift.

Today with my experience I feel that what a devil he was, trying time and again to pester her.

It’s not just that she had made up her mind not to give up but was really afraid of the consequences she would have to face if her family came to know about this.

After 4-5 such visits, he disappeared, although she saw him once or twice en route to the market and he tried to pursue her.

But after that luckily the episode ended.

She tried hard to forget what had happened to her and concentrate on her studies. For days together, she had a tough time suffering a lot, for she wanted to share what she had gone through, with her parents but knowing their nature she couldn’t.

Later on, as time passed she became normal, but still, she has that regret of turning back and taking help from a generous uncle that day.

The point here I want to discuss is not only abuse and molestation but also our inability as parents to protect our children in the real sense of the word.

It’s not about protecting them from such happenings but it’s also about not blaming them if any such incident happens with them.

And this is not about just the Priya who is my friend but about a whole lot of Priya’s existing around us. To be more honest 90% of us have not gone through what she went through sometimes in our lives.

Her existence is universal. We have all been through this kind of ordeals, sometimes in a bus, sometimes while sleeping on the berth in a train, sometimes during shopping in crowded market places.

And the list is endless.

And what we all did.

I am very sure most of us kept quiet, after all, that is what we have been taught —To keep quiet.

It’s a crime to discuss about such happenings.

But don’t you all agree that not fixing & not taking accountability for such acts is a much bigger crime.

Don’t we need to change our mentality regarding finding faults, in everything our children, especially our girls do?

Shouldn’t that be stopped?

Shouldn’t we act towards building confidence in them that we as parents are with them come whatever may happen?

Don’t you all agree that Priya could have been saved if her parents would have been able to encourage her to open her heart to them?

There’s another true story about a small child about 5 years old, who had been abused by his servant but didn’t dare to tell her parents for the fear of punishment, which I will share some other time.

How correct is this? And who is to be blamed?

Are we not responsible for strengthening these devils of our society?

Should we not be held accountable for such incidents happening in our children’s lives, where for the rest of their life they are left with the feeling::::

“How I wish I had not looked back that day” !!

Moreover isn’t it high time we built an environment where there would be no such memories in the minds of the younger generation where they regret looking back?

Irrespective of whether you like my style of depicting or not,  if you all, who are going through this article are touched by this issue, it’s a sincere request that let’s all get together to spread this message far and wide, let’s educate our children to talk, let’s teach them not be afraid.

Kindly share your views and thoughts. Eagerly waiting to get your perspective.

About The Author

4 thoughts on “Who is to be blamed?”

  1. Truly a thought-provoking story. Really who is to be blamed? I believe our children need more empathy than questioning and victim-blaming. We are always by you- a thought to instill in young minds.

  2. Oh God!!!! I wonder why as parents we fail to create that trust in our kids that they can approach us what ever the matter be… We are there for them… I too never discussedamy apprehensions of mine with my parents but Thankfully, I had three elder siblings who remained and still remain with me in every situation of my life.

  3. shashi0thakur13

    OMG!!!!… This is such a hard-hitting reality of today’s lifestyle, where both parents work or when the kid has just one parent (due to divorce or death of another parent), in such a case the kid is left alone in the home or with a servant… Even 20 to 40 years ago, the devils were the same, taking advantage of the situation, at times in the joint family… and kids were just as innocent as today’s… Only the parents have to be made aware of the grim reality today, because of over-exposure to social media today… and encourage their children to share about daily happenings to them… TRUST is above all.
    Extremely well-explained and thoughtfully penned blog, dear Ashu… Kudos to you for writing on this topic.

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