The Momma Clan

Someone has rightly said that the beauty of marriage is not always seen from the very beginning, but rather as love grows and develops over time.

Marriage is a union of two souls, a commitment, and a shared journey full of ups and downs. So whenever someone asks which one is perfect—love marriage or arranged marriage—I say, “Neither is perfect, as both of them have advantages and challenges that need to be tackled with equal responsibility and understanding.”

Whenever this question is asked, we hear different perspectives from different people. Some say that arranged marriages are better because the couple gets support from both families; the families gather information about each other before finalizing the knot, and there are fewer risk factors, whereas in the case of love marriage, there are risks involved of not knowing the backgrounds of the families, so there is little hesitation at either end. Most of the time, culture difference also bring a barrier between families.

On the other hand, there are people who speak in favour of love marriage as the couple know each other well and because of this, a sense of mutual understanding empowers them to accept each other without judgment. They don’t expect perfection from their better halves.

I believe that any relationship needs mutual respect and understanding to survive and bloom gracefully. You can’t predict the future in any of the marriages because a true relationship lies in mutual understanding and respect, so whether it’s a love marriage or arranged marriage, it really doesn’t matter much.

I’ve observed in my own family and circle, both arranged marriage couples and love marriage couples, and trust me, love and compassion with mutual respect and understanding are quite visible in both. I am not saying all couples are head over heels for each other; there will be exceptions, but it’s commitment that turns a relationship into a lifelong relationship.

I have already written a blog, ‘Perfectly Imperfect We Are’ which shares my personal experience on marriage and my not-so-perfect but adorable relationship with my husband and my family.

With changing times and ever evolving human relationships, role and place of women in emerging Indian society have also changed and my perspective has also evolved towards these two concepts of marriage.

There was a time when arranged marriages were more successful, as nobody in the society ever asked girls whether they were ready for the marriage or whether they liked the groom because our society worked that way only and that was very much acceptable. Then came a time when women came forward; they studied and started putting their points before their parents. Some changes were accepted with some limitations. Their choices were considered, but with some conditions. In both cases, girls were considered mere responsibilities and, in some families, a burden to be shed as quickly as possible but now the time has changed.

I feel so happy and proud when I look at today’s modern young girls. They are confident, smart, determined, and sorted in their approach towards their lives, about their dreams to be achieved, and their expectations and desires from their future partners. They make their own decisions and take equal responsibility. And it’s heartening to see parents embracing this change, where the fear of inter-community or inter-religion marriages isn’t a barrier anymore. It’s a welcoming change, isn’t it?

In the end, whether it’s love marriage or arrange marriage, the perfect union is the one where love, respect, and understanding flourish. After all, it’s not the start of the story, but the journey together that writes ‘Happily ever after.’

Arti Mathur